Stories That Spark Change
From a barman's unexpected engagement with gender norms to a plumber's profound conversation about identity, welcome to our gallery of fun ways to start tough conversations.
These stories from our ongoing journeys in provoking conversations with our painted nails illustrate the power of this idea, and why it requires further exploration.
Each encounter, whether in a pub, during a call, or in a meeting, shows how simple acts can lead to meaningful conversations, challenge stereotypes, and foster understanding.
There are two ways to contribute and share your story here:
As the brave men in our beta research phase capture their conversations, expect more stories and sources of inspiration here soon.
Get your nails done, read the HArd As Nails Conversation Toolkit Guide below and write a social post about any conversations and actions that happen and tag us #HardAsNails
Conversation One: Anon: I was meeting with my Mortgage Advisor, who's a good bloke bit of a geezer and at the end of the session, he asked me about my nails and made a joke as he asked if I was now 'batting for the other side". I used the Conversation Prompt Kit, and the first thing I noticed was my tendency to laugh it off, which made me realise how many times I'd covertly endorsed this sort of joke rather than call it out, but now, with stripy nails, I felt a bit more at liberty to respond appropriately. I used the prompt for banter and it worked. Pretty soon, we were talking about his worries for his son, who's recently come out, and they've been struggling to connect. I was curious to know if I was that helpful. I certainly didn't have any advice, but he said it was by far the most helpful conversation he'd had with anyone about it and even sent me a text two days later. I felt proud about that.
Actions: I’m not sure exactly what Mike will do next, but he did go and have a conversation with his sun that included an apology and a comitment to greateer awareness, not a bad start.
Conversation Two: Danielli Fiandaca: Inspired by a post by my good friend Sam Conniff. I had my nails painted over the break. It was partly part of my mission to continually challenge stereotypes but also to understand whether there is truly a campaign idea in there which I could support going forward as an ally to others.
I have to say it has been an amazing experience which I rather enjoyed. Here were my key take-outs:
it did indeed lead to some very interesting conversations with all kinds of people around masculinity and mental health although in most cases it was still a conversation I had to instigate (its amazing how many people did not even mention the fact that I had my nails done)
it provided a connection with my niece and goddaughter that I had totally not envisioned. Not only were we able to talk about nail art in detail, but I now have another activity for us to do together which is lovely
it also provided a wonderful moment with my wife as it was the first time she had had her nails done sitting next to someone else
it is amazing how effective it was in inspiring others to follow suit and try it. By the end of one dinner party, every man (both gay and straight) was having their nails done for the first time
next time I definitely need to ask for shellac rather than regular polish so they last a little longer
As Sam mentioned in his original post, just getting your nails done without any action is at risk of representing performative allyship. But in using it as a basis for conversation around masculinity, stereotypes, gender identity and mental health, it seems a rather powerful platform to me.
So watch this space. Would welcome your thoughts even if it is just to suggest what colour I do my nails next.
Actions: Firstly a lot of conversations as mentioned above, but personally the main action is that I’m going to do it again and explore this idea more deeply.
Conversation Three: Dan: While at the gym, a place often filled with traditional notions of masculinity, I caught the eye of a fellow gym-goer who noticed my brightly painted nails as I was lifting weights. He approached me, half-amused and half-curious, asking, "What's the deal with the nails, man?" I took this as an opportunity to dive into the conversation, using a prompt about challenging stereotypes. I explained the "Hard As Nails" campaign's goal to spark discussions about masculinity and gender norms. To my surprise, he opened up about his own experiences with body image pressures and the constant need to appear "manly" in such environments. We discussed how these societal pressures affect mental health and self-esteem.
Actions: It was a profound conversation that ended with him expressing appreciation for the perspective shift and even asking for more information about the campaign.
Conversation Four: Lawrence: A colleague noticed my nails during a team meeting and waited until we were alone to ask about them. His initial reaction was confusion, masked with humor. I explained the campaign's objectives, using a prompt about the impact of small actions leading to larger conversations. He confessed that he had never considered how such a simple act could challenge deep-seated norms. This led to a discussion about workplace diversity and inclusion efforts and how we, as individuals, can contribute to a more accepting and open-minded culture.
Actions: By the end of our talk, he was genuinely interested in learning more and even suggested ways our workplace could further support gender equality and diversity initiatives.
Conversation Five: Tom: During a family dinner, my painted nails became the center of attention. My uncle, known for his conservative views, couldn't hide his bafflement and asked, "Why would you do that to yourself?" I used this moment to introduce the concept of the campaign, emphasizing the importance of questioning our adherence to gender norms. The dinner table conversation then shifted to a broader discussion on gender roles within our own family dynamics. My grandmother shared stories of constraints she faced, sparking a generational dialogue on how these norms have evolved yet still impact us.
Actions: It was enlightening to see my family engage in this topic, with my nails serving as the catalyst for a meaningful exchange of perspectives. My Uncle since texted to apologise and said he’d like to talk about it more.
Conversation Six: Paul The Plumber: After his second visit to fix an old Boiler Paul asked me what the nails were all about, he’d been eyeing them up on both visits. As soon as I explained, he opened up. As a father to three girls, who all live a few streets from where Sarah Everard lived, he was aware that there was a link between the sort of misogyny and banter he hears among his colleagues in the trades, and violence against woemn and wanted to discuss it and how to manage it in pursuit of a safer landscape for his daughters.
Actions: I used the advice in the Conversation Toolkit and asked Paul what he thought about it all, and over the next fifteen minutes he answer all his own questions very thoughtfully. I haven’t heard from hi, but he’d resolved to challenge his mates when we heard their banter go too far, and as he knew many of them were dads, brothers and sons, he’d use the same issue that had triggered his concerns. He was not however up for getting his nails done.